Living with Anxiety, my story & awarenes

This is a subject I've been wanting to talk to you about for a long while, and that's mental health. I've never really been able to explain properly what it's like for me, and maybe for others who are living with any type of mental health illness(es). Mental health runs in my family and it's something I have to deal with on a daily basis. Its become a huge part of my life especially In my teen years.  I've never really opened up about it but today I am.

I suffer from anxiety and depression, but I have to say even Though I can manage my mental health, I still have both positive and negative days like with anyone else who suffers. 

My anxiety and depression started when I was about 15, I can't remember exactly but I know it was when I was In my final years of school. Something happened In my life around that time which completely left me in shock, I didn't know who I could talk to about it and so I bottled most of my feelings up as I do ( I know it's bad ), but I didn't really have any friends to talk to about it. The advice people tried to give me wasn't really helpful/working either, If I think about it to much I will cry. On top of everything going on in my life I had school to deal with, I hated school and on top of that GCSE'S was even worse for me. That's when my panic attacks started to happen, at first I didn't really know what was happening to me It all felt strange and it would get me down all the time. Once I left school I honestly thought freedom, and life Would get a lot easier. It actually got alot harder instead. I went to study at college, turned out there was a lot of favouritism going on and I was one of them, I wasn't enjoying it even though I had made new friends. Towards the end of my first year at college I started going in less and less, I lied about a lot of things especially when it came to why I was at home and not in class. When it was time to go back for my 2nd year at college I found out that the friends I made the previous year wasn't joining on in the course I was doing. My heart sank, I was so scared at the fact I didn't know anyone, and I had to go through the whole making friends again,  so I walked out of class and went home. (you probably wouldn't know but i have a hard time making new friends, I always feel like I'm constantly being judged for the way i am, I know that's not true but for a long time that's what i thought. I cant physically go up to someone and start talking even with the friends i had already made.) My parents were on holiday at the time and I couldn't get hold of anyone to talk to or know anyone I could go to to try and calm down it was horrible. I got into a fight with my grandparents a couple of days before which by this time sent my anxiety through the roof!. I was so upset I couldn't even face the fact of going back, I did but it wasn't for long till I got my dream job and I left college for good. 

Life didn't get any better since starting my job, I only work 6 hours max a week which sucks but I do love my job and I wouldn't quit it not even for a better job or even if I won a million pounds. My family kept putting constant pressure on me, it actually started making me really unhappy. This went on for quite some time when it all got way out of had and I finally took action and done what was best for me. Since going through all this drama I feel like I'm finally seeing light at the end of the tunnel, I still put constant pressure on myself but there has to be one thing I have learnt the most from all This (and i still am learning!)  its that I'm only human. That's practically my story on how my anxiety and depression started, as i say most days I'm fine and I can tell myself that I'm only human and i can only do so much but those bad days comes a challenge. 

I've talked about how it all started and how I deal with mental health, but there is one last thing I want to talk about and that's how others see/view mental health especially anxiety. This is something what really gets to me also at times and I shouldn't let it but it's so hard not to. it's when people tell you that your faking it and your doing it for attention, It drives me crazy!. can I just say that I hate attention I don't like being fussed over or nothing like that I want to be treated like any other human being does/should and that's with respect. Some people talk down to you and that's another thing what happens to me ever so often. What I'm trying to get at is no matter what type of mental health illness(s) your family, friend, anyone for that matter has we us sufferers cant help we are different but we shouldn't be treated any differently. To those of you reading this and are a bit unsure on what your friend, work college, family member etc  health illnesse(s) is about, than i will leave some links to some useful sites which may help build your understanding on the whole thing. Basic knowledge and understanding could really help/come in handy one day you never know.

It feels so good getting that off my chest, i will probably not mention this topic again unless you want me to. But i always feel a bit weary about sharing you some very personal stuff I've been dealing with for a long time. I really hope this blog post made some sort of sense to you, if your a mental health sufferer than please feel free to leave your opinion in the comments, and if your not let me know your opinion on this post. Please also be aware that this is just my opinion, people will always have there different view and opinion on this topic. I'm not doing this for attention or nothing like that, I just wanted to express my thoughts and feelings on this subject and open up to you about my struggles. The aim of this post wasn't for me to give you advice on those who suffer or know someone who isn't coping, i will link some useful links which may help those who want to get in touch with someone who can help you more than i can ever do. I want to make people more aware of all the different types of mental health illnesses there are, I really hope this blog post actually made sense as no one has checked it to make sure it has made sense, also I'm sorry for my bad English too hopefully you didn't notice to much.

thank you so much for reading 

lots of love      

Claire xoxoxo

TO THOSE WHO ARE WANTING TO FIND OUT MORE/WANT TO GET IN TOUCH WITH SOMEONE THEN HERE ARE SOME LINKS THAT I FIND ARE USEFUL :).

www.mind.org.uk
www.nhs.uk/mentalhealth
www.childline.org.uk/Mentalhealth